I, Iron Maiden
You what? 'Fear Of The Dark'? You want to call it 'Fear Of The Dark'? Hold on I'll see what the bloke at the bloody off-license thinks about it Like listen I've spoken to the bloke at the bloody off-license and I've spoken to the minicab driver and he thinks it should be called 'Blood Sweat'n'Beer' nothing like a bloody good Yorshire title like Look you get on with the bloody music and we'll deal with important stuff like you know the marketing and the design and the sleeve and the photograph anything goes to me I've got a lot better title What about 'LA's From Here To Eternity' or 'Bayswater Ain't A Bad Place To Be'? Well I know Bayswater isn't rock'n'roll Steve but neither was Monterey until bloody Hendrix went there The Isle of Wight was never bloody rock'n'roll until the bloody Beatles went there Oh I know the Beatles never went there but it's only a bloody detail Don't be so fucking pedantic Oh bloody hell! What? This bloody song? This bloody song what about calling it what about calling it 'Fear Of The Golf'? 'Fear Of The Golf' No not the Gulf! You don't want to depress everybody What's that got to do with You've already got a song about the Gulf War 'Afraid To Shoot Strangers' this is about the Gulf War Well the Gulf War's over Steve! It's already happened and it's not news anymore Couldn't you change it one letter and make it about golf Golf's happening all the time! It happens every bloody year The Gulf War never happens every bloody year does it? I mean they'll have forgotten about it in five years' time You're not singing about the bloody Second World War now But nobody's singing songs about golf You'll go to the bloody market I'm telling you! You will! You will!
But er Nick Oh oh Nicko! Nicko! Nicko not behind that bush Nooo! It's Win It's Windsor bloody golf course the bloody queen plays here If she fucking played golf she'd play here! Oh for Christ's What if bloody lord what's his name walked here Ooooh lyrics
What is this bloody bit of graffitti on the bog wall? "I'm not afraid to shoot managers"! Who put it there? Who put it there hands up! Who put it there? Who did? Merck? Merck put it there? He bloody works for me He never told me he could read or write! I'll have to bloody watch my back now There's a bloody conspiracy theory going on Bloody hell!
Who wants to talk to me? Who? Who's on the phone? An artist? Bloody namby pamby tell him to fuck off I'm watching the bloody golf Oh somebody still owes me for half the cost of that bloody turkey when he came 'round for christmas dinner Bloody nerve! Mind you! Mind you you do have to look up You know I mean the lads they not so bad I know they don't mean everything they say because because ultimately I'm always right And in the end it's always my ideas that do get chosen even though I didn't think of them Well not quite I mean I like to think of meself as being a a creative Geoffrey Boycott You know like the bloke who stood there for hours and hours until the crowd went still and then he was still shown on the telly after they were all dead Oh yes! The legend will live on! And they bloody know me down the Indian you know I'm a bloody superhuman cricket man boycotting existential golfing machine! I can't dig the Blues but I can dig a bloody I can bloody tell you! I'm a massless millionaire a bloody vulcanised superviking I'm Frederick Roderick Smallwood with my own bloody number plate I'll bloody tell them I tell you I'm bloody glad I came back here from LA
England bloody needs me
13 kwietnia 1992, Iron Maiden